It’s been a Year!

It’s been a Year!

I can’t believe how time flies. I’v spent the last year living life and making art. I started Lifebook in January and the things I have learned are amazing. Making art is truly healing my soul. Each project has something deeper for me to internalize and I have grown so much as a person and artist.

Have a great day, summer vacation, and life!!!!!

Zen

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Dealing with Death

Dealing with Death

It’s been almost a year since I have felt normal. Life has a way of shaking you up just to see what you learn.  The hardest thing I’v had to deal with was the diagnosis of cancer that my father received last summer and then watching him slowing grow sick and then eventually pass away in January of this year.  I became very depressed and actually started this blog hoping to give myself some positive encouragement and direction.  Well, I have not been very good about posting, with the darkness of grief and anxiety having left me feeling drained.  I decided to stop all contact with people except my close family.  I don’t read Facebook or blogs anymore.  I don’t work on my digital art from Second Life anymore. The colors in life had faded.

Since the funeral, I have read the book “Dying to Be Me” by Anita Moorjani.  I had read it in the past and had even asked my Step Mother to read it, knowing it would give her comfort but I didn’t pick it up again until this week.  The comfort I feel after reading her story and listening to several youtube interviews with her is amazing. I really feel like what she tells us about the afterlife is true and it is what I feel inside at my core as the source of all love and peace.

I want to start living my life through love and shut down all the fear I usually guide my life with. Being alive is a gift and death is something that we should not fear.

What I have learned is to be totally  myself  and live through love and joy and laughter.  I want to be the best ME I can be and that’s enough. I don’t have to please everyone around me. I can do my best and relax in the idea that all is well. Love is the universal energy.

I saw a blog once called Be Like Water.  I don’t even remember what the content was but the title has stuck with me in difficult times and I use it as a mantra for acceptance and presence. Be Like Water and flow, be accepting and let the troubles pass through you, let the day and hours and minutes be your guide and don’t obsess over what the future holds or what happened yesterday.

Death is just a return to the perfect spiritual dimension and I no longer fear passing on. I have peace in my heart. I also have no more fear of living… this is my chance to enjoy being alive, I refuse to live my life using fear as my guide.

 

 

 

 

What can you add…

What can you add…

What can you add to this moment that is not already here?

Sitting in bed at 12:12 on a Sunday afternoon with my sweet little doggy next to me.  The littlest kids are playing on the floor, telling me all about the cool game they are making up about stuffed doggies and baby carriages.  My husband is at the computer making music. The teenagers are sleeping in. The middle kids, that are not visiting grandparents, are playing Minecraft.  We only have 6 kids home today, 3 are out visiting grandparents.  The house seems quiet. It’s my moment…. and I love it.

Thank you, Kate

Happy Life Experiment

Happy Life Experiment

Hello, I am Kate 🙂 Welcome to my journey. I am sick and tired of feeling hopeless and lost. After years of amateur study in most of the main religions and philosophy of the the world and I lot of amateur study in science and physics, I still don’t feel like I have the mental stability, the happiness, I know I should have on a daily basis.

This experiment I am starting is going to be my journey into what it really takes for me to be happy and stable every day of my life. I am not a writer so I apologize up front for not being perfect in my grammar or spelling. I can’t let the details stop me from starting.

A little about me…. I am 41, a wife and  mother. Mostly I would describe myself as an artist because that is one of my passions in life. I spend hours each day working on various art projects. One thing that makes my life unique is that I am the mother to 13 children, yes really.  Only 9 are still at home but still… I need to find my peace and happiness so I can be a good mom to these loud, screaming, precious angles.

From an early age I knew what it meant to be stressed out. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and have some personality disorders thrown in for fun.  It all just means that I am afraid of a lot of stuff most people take for granted. I’m like the little dog that gets his toe accidentally stepped on and wont ever come near you again.  My brain is a little over protective and I always, always have my escape planned out of any situation.  I am also a little ADD so sticking with things is hard.  I usually have 5 or 6 projects going on at once so I always have something new that I can focus on without getting board.  When I am sick or on stress overload I start to feel depressed and that is when I want to have skills in place so I can pull myself back up and be okay without making those around me suffer… or… *aka* I can be a real b**ch!

In my mind I have a picture of what a happy life looks like but I am certain that when I figure this sh*t out it won’t look the same, it never does.  My goal is to work through various art projects and find my way on the path.  I want to use my art as a reminder of the lesson I learn while making that piece. I need visual triggers all around me to remind myself of how I want to be.  I think after a while my ideas will become part of me. I want explore mental health, physical health and spiritual health… I know they are all part of the same circle, each one effecting the others.

Let’s get this thing going and see where it leads.

Peace, Love, Hope, Joy,

Kate 🙂

I think this video is a great introduction to my blog.  We are all made of the same energy, it flows through the universe and gives us consciousness.  The answers to all of our questions can be found by exploring the interconnection of everything.