It’s been almost a year since I have felt normal. Life has a way of shaking you up just to see what you learn. The hardest thing I’v had to deal with was the diagnosis of cancer that my father received last summer and then watching him slowing grow sick and then eventually pass away in January of this year. I became very depressed and actually started this blog hoping to give myself some positive encouragement and direction. Well, I have not been very good about posting, with the darkness of grief and anxiety having left me feeling drained. I decided to stop all contact with people except my close family. I don’t read Facebook or blogs anymore. I don’t work on my digital art from Second Life anymore. The colors in life had faded.
Since the funeral, I have read the book “Dying to Be Me” by Anita Moorjani. I had read it in the past and had even asked my Step Mother to read it, knowing it would give her comfort but I didn’t pick it up again until this week. The comfort I feel after reading her story and listening to several youtube interviews with her is amazing. I really feel like what she tells us about the afterlife is true and it is what I feel inside at my core as the source of all love and peace.
I want to start living my life through love and shut down all the fear I usually guide my life with. Being alive is a gift and death is something that we should not fear.
What I have learned is to be totally myself and live through love and joy and laughter. I want to be the best ME I can be and that’s enough. I don’t have to please everyone around me. I can do my best and relax in the idea that all is well. Love is the universal energy.
I saw a blog once called Be Like Water. I don’t even remember what the content was but the title has stuck with me in difficult times and I use it as a mantra for acceptance and presence. Be Like Water and flow, be accepting and let the troubles pass through you, let the day and hours and minutes be your guide and don’t obsess over what the future holds or what happened yesterday.
Death is just a return to the perfect spiritual dimension and I no longer fear passing on. I have peace in my heart. I also have no more fear of living… this is my chance to enjoy being alive, I refuse to live my life using fear as my guide.